I open up the Artist Way this morning. Week 10: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection. Sounds interesting, so I read on. 

“For many, work is the block of choice. Busy, busy, busy, they grab for tasks to numb themselves with. They can’t take a half hour’s walk. ‘What a waste of time!’  Must-dos and multiple projects are drawn to them like flies to a soda can in the swun. They go, ‘Buzz, buzz, buzz, swat!’ as they brush aside the stray thought that was the breakthrough insight.”

 Looking at my weekend list, a few things didn’t really have to be done. I consume myself with busyness which in turn only stresses me out. Makes me angry at Eric, poor dear, because he “isn’t helping.” Busyness also distracts me. I am great at promising other people things will get done and following through no matter what. Why can’t I do the same for me?

 Why is it, that I can’t carve out an entire weekend to creativity on my own? Instead I have to drive 6.5 hours to Alabama and attend a weekend workshop? Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely excited about this weekend and have been looking forward to it since I found out about it. I just crave creativity situations more frequently and should be able to set them up for myself. Also, I’ve essentially convienced myself that I need extended periods of time to work. When in reality, I could get a lot more done in my little 15-30 minute spurts. It may be time to get out the egg timer and sequester myself in the study. I’ve got a whole of of creativity bottled in me and need to allow it to come out.

I still think it is ironic. I was very pleased with my detailed list of things I’d done this weekend. Looking at it now, it seems like a detailed list of excuses as to why I’m sabotaging myself.

I shall carry on. And chuckle at my seriousness. Life is too short. This is what is meant in, “Loving God, Embracing Beauty, and Living Life to the Fullest.”

Peace,

^-^ Katy

PS. This seems to fall into the huge self-care philosophy a friend and I discuss regularly. I hope y’all will keep me honest in taking more time for these things, but ultimately it is my problem and up to me to fix it.